Rapid write

Assignment: Rapid write. Write fast, don’t look back, don’t edit.

I think I’ve been stiff and stuffy all my life, both physically and emotionally. Where other guys bounced around on the balls of their feet, I tended to plod. It’s curious: I watch gymnastics on YouTube, men and women, and I can feel the freedom of movement, I just can’t replicate it. My body doesn’t allow such fluidity and never has.

Likewise, engaging emotionally with others doesn’t come naturally for me, but I’ve learned to use humor and wisecracks to conceal my trepidations. It doesn’t always work, and more often than I like, my comments either fall flat or can, on my later reflection, be unintentionally insulting or too personal. 

I was terrified on my first day of teaching a teenage special education class. I’ve forced myself to be (or at least fake being) at ease in front of groups and have spoken before audiences of more than a couple thousand people. I suppose I come by my hesitancy naturally. I was much closer to my mother, who had a great sense of humor but was somewhat reserved with a sense of propriety. She always told me you do whatever I was called upon to do, like it or not. My relationship with my father was more distant and complicated. I believe he fought a kind of small-man complex all of his adult life. He stood barely five-feet-six-inches tall, was a natty dresser, respectful of others, occasionally to the point of obsequiousness – and hated being short. Although I hit six feet halfway through high school, I’ve never considered myself tall.